The Warm Heart of Africa

Panic Mechanic Pleitz had been having sleepless nights.  His chain, his chain, his chain.  I’ve seldom seen someone as obsessive about something in my life.  Last thing every evening and first thing every morning he would have a look, adjust, tinker, lube, jiggle, kiss, curse.  I don’t know why, it wasn’t going to miraculously repair itself overnight.  It has done 19,000km, it is done, it is dusted, it has performed.  Like the Monty Python skit, this chain is deceased, it has gone to meet its maker.  And so we went in search of a new chain in Lundazi, and believe it or not, we found one!  OK, its not a Regina O-ring chain, and its not orange, but it’s a chain, and it will go around and around.  And so we left Lundazi with a less panicked mechanic.

The road to the Zambian border point was much like the road the night before, horrible…  but at least we could see it now.  I couldn’t get to the border point quickly enough, the beef stew from the night before was not sitting easily, and corrugated roads and a firm motorcycle seat do not help matters.  But I was informed at the Zambian border post that they did not have any facilities, and so sweating, I went through Zambian emigration, which thankfully happened at record speed.  And so we crossed into Malawi.

We walked into the Malawian border post and our footsteps echoed in the cavernous emptiness - there was not a soul in sight.  I was functioning according to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs, and took an executive decision to explore the border post and find its most valued facility – which thankfully I did quite quickly.  Whew!!!!  Meanwhile the official came trotting along and apologised profusely for not being there before.  This was the most relaxed border so far, Pete did my immigration while I was otherwise occupied, and nobody seemed to mind much.  As we were leaving the customs official ran out and told us that he had forgotten that we needed insurance which we could get in the next town, and wished us a safe journey. 

The road was supposed to be ‘good’ from the border post to the tarmac road – some 40km away.  We were advised to follow the power lines, which we did, and the road rapidly deteriorated into a narrow slither of hard packed dirt which fell away on each side into rutted canyons, deep sand and corrugated culverts. It took all our skill to stay on the road - a bit like trying to balance a ping-pong ball on a jet of air!

We hit the tarmac road and paradise opened up before us.  This was the finest piece of tarmac we have experienced this trip, a touring bikers dream, twisty mountain passes through pine and rubber forests, not a pothole in sight, and the perfect camber on every corner, with not a truck in sight.  After the Congo, northern Zambia and the Luangwa Valley, we couldn’t help twisting our throttles and pegging the needle between 130 and 140 through the twisties.  We quickly approached Mzuzu, and having not eaten since Zambia, we made our way straight to the nearest restaurant that Mr Garmin could point us to.  The Pine Tree Restaurant on top of the world overlooking Mzuzu boasted a chalk board menu with oxtail, racks of lamb, t-bones and lasagne - real food for the first time since we left Ndola!  We basked in the sunshine, drank coffee and celebrated having arrived in the Warm Heart of Africa!

After eating we went in search of insurance, and met a German-South Africa on a 1200GS who was on a 3-month tour of southern Africa.  He proudly told us that his setup weighed 400kg, and that as a result he had avoided any rough roads and anything sandy so far.  He also told us that the maximum speed limit in Malawi is 80km/h, and doing anything over 90 will get you arrested.  Oops.

Our destination for the day was the Mayoka Village at Nkhata Bay on the lake shore.  This is a fantastic little place, it is Robinson Crusoe meets hippy commune and a bit of Neverland on the banks of paradise.  The sweet smell of whacky backy hanging in the air, we quickly determined that we are about double the average age of the rest of the clientele, but nobody seems to care.  The food is awesome, the scenery is spectacular, and this little bohemian resort is the best example of organic design I have seen anywhere.  Unfortunately my dreams of a bed for the night were quickly killed as all rooms were full, and so up went the tents again, in record time.  Debbie and Gary lucked out, a last minute cancelation meant that they scored the best cottage in the place, up on stilts, with an open-air bathroom with a view of the lake, and a large balcony.  While we camped on the dirt below.  Bastards.

Tenere camo

Big sky over the lake

After being offered Malawi’s finest organic weed about 20 times in 30 minutes, the word quickly spread that we don’t smoke, and we were no longer bothered.  Happy Coconut, however, was determined to sell us something, and so the negotiations began for him to pimp my ride Malawi style.  I had been coveting Gary’s pannier art since day one, and so Happy Coconut and I sat down and made a deal.  He left with my pannier under his arm, and $20 in his pocket and returned a few hours later with a custom paint job that would make the Orange County Chopper boys green with envy! 

One of the three Tenors was lost in translation

My ride, pimped!

Gary and Debbie had been looking at the map and counting the days, and announced to us over breakfast that they would be leaving us at midday that day.  The sand had run through their hourglass and they would have to make tracks back to Kenya to arrive in time for the arrival of Debbie’s twin daughters flying in from the UK with all their mates.  Suddenly the reality of the end of our adventure was approaching, and it felt like a punch in the stomach.  Our motley crew had worked remarkably well, we had been through the fires of hell and back without any major (or minor) problems.  No diva moments, it just kind of clicked.  The Luangwa valley had been as tough a day as anyone could expect on a trip like this, the Congo had tried and tested us, miles and miles of tarmac, the salt pans, the delta and awesome Namibia.  Through it all there had been no sense of humour failures.  Considering that we had only met each other about 2 weeks before setting out on this trip – a real achievement and a lot of luck! 

Pete and I are opportunistic creatures, and so we quickly moved into Debbie and Gary’s room before they had even moved out.  We helped them pack and escorted them to the edge of town, shed a tear and waved them goodbye as they headed north to Tanzania.  Good luck G, D and Pavarrrrrrrrottii - its been an incredible experience.

Safari Njema guys!

The ride back to the Mayoka lodge proceeded a little less enthusiastically.  But we were saved by lasagne night, a couple of long island iced teas, a post-iced tea swim out to the raft and a movie on the laptop – Zohan – you are the man!

Our day started slowly without our team-mates, we set off along the lake mid-morning to explore, and what we found left us a bit speechless.  Lake Malawi is gorgeous, from the rocky shoreline of Nkhata bay we rode through a rubber plantation and then onto white sandy beaches, lined with palm trees, and the lake water breaking on the shore with waves that would make a J-Bay surfer happy.  The resorts we found were fit for the glossiest of catalogues, but there was not a person in sight.  We went to 4 different resorts, the staff all greeted us eagerly, and informed us that they didn’t have a single guest.  I seriously don’t understand it – the beaches of Mombassa and Diani are full at prices that make your eyes water, with mediocre hotels, poor service and beach boy irritations, but Lake Malawi which is easily as good a, and we think better than, the Kenyan coast and at a fraction of the price, but is completely tourist free. Malawi needs to market itself better!

Tanja and Daniella - how about our next holiday here?

Row row row your boat....

Swarming lake flies - we were reliably informed that you can eat them!

Is it a lake?

Picture postcard

The best outdoor bathroom EVER

After our strenuous day of resort hopping we had worked up quite a hunger, but with no guests, the resorts couldn’t offer us any food, and so we were pointed in the directions of Mum’s Restaurant at the local trading centre.  We were welcomed by Mum who cooked us fresh Chambo, the local lake fish, with Nsima – the local version of Ugali/Pap/Nshima/Sadza.  The best thing was that we sat in the village with village life going on around us, they can’t get many tourists here, but nobody bothered us, no shouts of “Mzungu” and nobody asked us for a cent.

Seemed an appropriate name after our trip

What's on the menu?

Mama's fried Chambo!

Finally found a good use for a Land Rover!

We’ve collected information, we’ve checked out the accommodation and we’ve made plans to come back with our families, this has to be one of the best kept secrets in Africa.  Malawi is paradise!

Faces of Malawi

Children of Malawi